big boob cowgirl vol. 1

thanks for coming!

FROM ASHLON

Tunes for my big boobed cowgirls.

Click here.

When I was little my dream was to write alien adventure books.

My aunt and I always joke that she’s not ESL (English second language), she is EFTL (English first and third language). She was taught English, learned Arabic, and then had to relearn English. My love for reading feels like I’m relearning a language I’ve always known. She’s mistaking jungle fever for cabin fever and I’m reading fairy books.

I used to stay up into the wee hours of the night, every night reading the important stuff like: high school spy love triangles, vampire love triangles, or post-apocalyptic dystopian... love triangles. The last series I remember reading for fun was Twilight. Once I was forced to read I stopped wanting to do it in my own free time, and was only doing it for school. That was 10 years ago. My new/old hobby is reading fantasy... love triangle books.

This newsletter is a love letter to my child-hood self who used to write silly stories about aliens on the family computer, to my teenage self who started writing for the high school newspaper, and to my adult self who still doesn’t know who she wants to be. I’m falling back in love with being creative.

We’re adults and we can do whatever we want. I want to feel like a person outside of work and reading about magical faeries is definitely helping. I’m working a full time big girl job and was feeling like all I was doing was going to work and coming home. As a full time girl I am so glad to be making time for myself.

If you’re feeling stuck in a girl boss rut please read these books and talk to me about them. Books I’ve read this year:

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas

A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J. Maas

A Court of Frost and Starlight by Sarah J. Maas

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas

Crown of Midnight by Sarah J. Maas

And right now I’m reading:

Heir of Fire by Sarah J. Maas

To all the women who started wearing bows for little you, I’m so happy for us to reclaim things that make us feel like us. Reading and writing are my bows, and it’s making me feel like me again. Thank you for reading and I hope the little girl in you finds her bows again.

FROM HANNAH

Silver Fish

are you alive?

I touch you.

your flesh shivers under my thumb and

you don’t make a sound.

I pick you up delicately and

place you on my tongue and

I feel you shivering.

I make you warm,

I coat you with thick, hot saliva,

I hold you and put you back together.

I conclude it’s best

to bring you inside,

put you in a box,

I watch you.

you are happy and you are

all of my favorite things.

I give you treats of

sunflower seeds and

cherries without pits and

I teach you tricks.

you are my dream come true

but

one day you melt away.

you become a gloopy mass,

the slop transforming.

you stay quiet so

I watch closely.

it takes months.

when you come open again

and show me your

wet white pinions,

blue and gray feathers,

downey white and flocculence,

I am hypnotized.

your wings and skin are 

paper-thin and 

slick with afterbirth.

I bring you outside and

hold you on my thumb and

you spread your fine pinions

stretching the fresh tissue,

letting it dry in the sun. 

I memorize the membrane across your wings,

how your body is gossamer in this light,

how your veins web and flex and pulse with

your blood.

you hop from my thumb to my index finger,

and I see you are so much bigger than 

when I found you.

changed.

I put you on my tongue

to see if you’ll melt

warm

protect

shape

let me consume you again

instead you 

flutter

from my tongue, 

to my lips, 

gently resting on my eyelids,

and you start to sing.